Production | Script Developments

I had amassed six script drafts as we finished the pre-production package, and there was still a lot of room for development as we drew nearer to production. Therefore most of the writing was already complete - the bulk of this unit will focus on directing the film rather than the writing. Nevertheless, I have the time to make some necessary changes to the script to follow with Simon's advice to make the script snappier so that the narrative does not drag out any more than it needs to.

After the Christmas break, I began by making tweaks to the last script draft, keeping in touch with Simon to get feedback to inform my changes in the script:

• I reworked the action in the introduction to build up the tension leading to Tim's reveal. My intentions for this part of the script is to build our expectations of Tim as mysterious figure which will then be subverted once Tess switches on the light and we see his true self.
• I cut down a lot of the dialogue in the first scene to present the opportunity to show instead of tell the audience the plot, which I have been doing gradually throughout the entire scripting process.
• I added more dialogue as Tim is introduced to the van, making comments such as "it's a bit small" to add some bring more attention to the van which will be a focal point for the entire film.
• I cut some of the dialogue from scene 7 to bring Tim and Luke to the owl sanctuary quicker. Looking back, it did not add much humour or depth to the scene anyway, so I was happy to cut this dialogue to progress the plot quicker.
• I changed "MDMA" to "ecstasy" so it did not sound as clunky when spoken out loud.
• I also developed the dialogue from the pub scene to boost the humour of the scene.

Here is the seventh script draft: 


I received more feedback from Simon after this draft, and made changes accordingly. The next draft was also after the rehearsal session we had with the cast, so I was able to hear their thoughts and make any changes that they felt would benefit the film or how they play the characters:

• I trimmed a lot of the dialogue in scene 1 to speed things up a bit. I also added a gag with the printer, so that Tim initially does not reveal his plans until the printer blows his cover. This makes the scene snappier and also gives way for another punchline on the line "printing".
• I had got the spare SIM card with phone number that we would be using for the decals on the side of the van, so I added this to the script as well for consistency.
• I also tweaked some of the formatting to bring emphasis to certain words. This was after we had read through the script with the cast and they had added emphasis in particular places, or I had decided they should add extra emphasis after hearing how they delivered their lines; "I think it's cosy", for example. This will make things a lot easier when it comes to shooting these scenes, so we can get the dialogue exactly right.
• I moved the action of Tim turning the key in the ignition to the end of the scene as I realised it created an odd pause in the middle of the scene that would work better at the end as another punchline.
• I made another significant addition to the action in scene 2 by adding a stash of drugs in the glove box for Tim and Luke to find. This allows us to foreshadow the break-in and owl punch scenes as it gives us an explanation as to where the drugs come from and how Tim may mix up the syringes to cause the owl to freak out in the first place. These will act as a Chekhov's Gun device as I have introduced them here with the intention for them to affect the plot later on.
• I researched into the principal of Chekhov's Gun to help with this motif in the film - from this research, my understanding of this principal entails that every element of a story should contribute to the story as a whole. Introducing the drugs here would eventually lead to the climactic owl punch scene, so introducing them here adds a level of connectivity to the film as a whole.
• Following on from the drug motif, I changed the dead chick to a bag of pills, implying that Tim had taken them from the glove box, calling back to scene 2 and playing into the owl punch scene. This also included tweaking the nighttime break-in scene to incorporate the bag of pills.
• Simon suggested I add the line "Tim's an artist" to help explain to Sheila why he was covered in a suspicious looking red liquid. This also adds a slightly awkward lean toward Luke's infatuation with Tim. I added another action to end this scene to make as much of the practical blood effects as possible by Tim slapping blood on Luke's arm in encouragement, without realising that he has got blood on Luke's shirt.
• There was one minor error in scene 11 that I amended: Tim asks Mollie if everything is "okay" and she responds saying "does it look fine?", which does not fit very well and she should reply "does it look okay?". This was likely an oversight I made in an early version of the script, highlighting the importance of proofreading to avoid mistakes such as this in the consistency of the dialogue.
• I changed the "ecstasy" again to "Uncle Pete's" to imply that they have drugged the owl with something from Uncle Pete's stash in the glove box. This not only brings the Chekhov's Gun device into fruition, but also adds an air of mystery that they don't know exactly what the owl has been poisoned with, so they would not know how to react to the owl, giving further motivation to punch the owl out of confusion.
• I also added an action for Mollie to react to the owl punch as she "looks up, furious" so that the audience can fill in the blanks as to how Tim got the black eye. This was came about after Becky, who will be playing Mollie, brought this up in the rehearsal as it did not initially come across that Mollie gives Tim a black eye for killing her owl in the pub scene.
• Perhaps the biggest change I made in this scene was to bring Tess into the pub scene. This also came about after talking with the cast and had been an idea that had been brewing for a little while. We agreed that it would add to the climax of the film for more characters to return to give Tim his comeuppance. We also really enjoyed what Skevy brought to the character and she was very enthusiastic about coming to shoot more scenes. Since Tess is Tim's sister, she would play a large role in her life so it makes sense for her to reemerge later on in the story.
• With Tess in the final scene as well, I completely rewrote the ending for Tess to bring Tim down another peg by taking their father's tools back. The previous ending implied that it was the end for Tim and Luke, but I decided that if this was to appeal to Channel 4 / E4, it would make sense to leave it open-ended to leave the possibility for a continuation to the story as a serial format.

Here is the eighth script draft which we will be using to shoot the actual film:

The script is now in a state that it can be used to begin shooting VET-MAN and draft 8 will be what we use as we begin production.

UPDATE:

Now we have wrapped shooting, I have created a version of the script for Katie and Mel to use as they edit the film, including any of the changes that were made in the dialogue on the shoot days as a result of last-minute discussions with the cast, any issues that arose with continuity and also a complete re-write of the break-in scene. I go into further detail as to why the break-in scene is different on the 'Shoot Day 2' post, but this script is largely to help make the editing process a little easier as we have up-to-date dialogue to work with.