After reviewing the rough cut scene-by-scene, I made the following notes to help Katie and Mel as they continued with the edit. At this point we already had feedback from Simon suggesting that we re-shoot the Margate scenes and record some ADR to fix the missing/poor audio (notes in grey will be amended in the fine cut or after re-shooting, so is not a top priority for now):
- Scene 1
- Starts a little too quickly - maybe some still GVs before Tim walks in the room? // alternatively, we could start on lots of fast cuts with opening/closing cupboard doors etc to create a sense of tension and confusion?
- Audio levels need adjusting + various sound effects
- Maybe end scene 1 on broken vase with J-cut?
- Door close sound effect
- Scene 2
- Could be snappier - maybe cut earlier when Tim sits down in the van?
- Slogan reveal is a bit slow - could bring the zoom in earlier
- Maybe use different take of Tim taking the keys - Dan was squinting as we were shooting in the sunlight so it looks a little awkward
- Van reversing out needs trimming a lot - maybe on ADR day we could record dialogue to fill void here?
- Scene 3
- Driving scene does not look like driving - try layering movement in finer cut
- Should probably have a dog for the authenticity of the scene
- Scene 4 (we had already agreed at this point that we would likely need to re-shoot this scene anyway)
- Do we have another take of the flat-pack line? - felt a little flat
- Cuts during surgery scene should be faster - more frantic
- It's not entirely clear that Tim has killed the dog - probably due to lack of coverage
- We need to see the slogan as Sheila sees it - again, probably lack of coverage
- Need something to cut to after Sheila leaves - coverage
- At no point does Sheila say where she lives which is a minor plot hole - this is my fault as I thought this was still in the script, as it had been in an earlier draft
- Scene 5
- Hide the house number/street name if possible
- Shot of Sheila opening the door was v shaky - do we have another take we can use?
- Maybe stay on shot of Luke's "cat?" reaction a little longer
- Scene 6
- Can we potentially speed up the driving away scene?
- May benefit from some voiceover conversation
- Scene 7
- Need something to bridge between scenes 5 and 6
- Also could be snappier - maybe cut just as they walk away?
- Scene 8
- Nice owl GVs
- Scene 7 could be snappier - cut earlier, maybe before Mollie walks away
- Owls screeching in the background needs to be removed or tweaked - fine cut
- Scene 9
- Cut beginning of scene 8
- Get rid of Luke's first reaction shot - feels too early
- Scene 10
- Do we have a steadier shot of the moon?
- Maybe speed up or even cut the sign language bit
- Add game sound effects when Tim is on his phone - fine cut
- Scene 11
- More frantic owl action
- Continuity - Tim hands Luke the leaflets twice
- Tighter shots of scene 11 - if we have the coverage
- Stick on Tim and Luke's reaction to the owl punch for longer and end on Tim's smile
- Whole owl punch scene can be polished in the finer cut
- ADR may be necessary to fix missing audio
- Scene 12
- Pub atmos
- Do we have a clearer/tighter view of Tim's eye?
- There's a little creak on the table when Tim is talking - try to hide that if you can?
- Cut to wider shot as Tess walks through the door (other than that I'm happy with the shots here)
- Cut back to Luke before we see Mark - if we have the coverage - then back to Mark
- Can we stay on Mark and Tim's stare-off a little longer? - also relies on coverage
- Scene 13
- Make the scene a little tighter - apart from "at least we have each other" line - that is timed perfectly
- We need to work out how to end/start credit roll
OVERALL:
Happy so far - could be a lot tighter in places, which is understandable as this is the first rough cut with all the footage on the timeline. We may not need to reshoot everything in Margate, we may be able to salvage it with shots of a dog etc, however we would certainly benefit from having more coverage of the scene - such as seeing the slogan after Sheila sees it and getting my coverage of the blood splatter. We may also benefit from the scene Simon suggested, pulling up alongside the KOA sign. On the ADR day, I might see if Ed and Dan are up for trying some improv to fill in the gaps between scenes - we may be able to use this for the credits as well.
Simon also gave some comments on how we could improve the rough cut:
- We agreed that we may benefit from recording some ADR sound to remedy the background noise that was present in scenes 7 and 9.
- Simon said it was not entirely clear that Tim had broken into Tess' house - we only see that he is there and the audience may not realise that he is trespassing.
- In the script, Tess is supposed to come across as having had a successful and fulfilling life which is one of Tim's motivations for setting up the illegal vet business. Simon said that he felt the photographs do not convey her success very clearly, therefore if we have the coverage, we need to try and put more emphasis on Tess' success through the photographs.
- He also said that the bag does not work as it is too small and does not look like the doctor's bag we were planning on using. I agree with this completely as the bag we used was only a backup for what we were originally intending to use. The original bag that we ordered did not arrive in time for us to use on the first shoot day, so we were left with a sub-par replacement from the very start of production. This is something we unfortunately cannot change as the bag plays such a vital role in the film and since it features so much, we would need to reshoot the scenes which cost the most to film in the first place.
- Simon also did not like where the bag was placed in the room as he had envisioned it being a sort of shrine to Tess and Tim's father, not simply placed on the shelf, out of the way.
- Whilst this would have been nice to feature as a shrine to their father, I feel I needed to prioritise how it would fit in with the scene to (1) place it somewhere that Tim would not immediately find it and (2) somewhere that would work for Tim to find it as he is leaving the room to give him the time and space to smash the vase on his way out. Therefore, whilst Simon's point here is valid, I chose to prioritise logistical blocking over the semiotics of their father. We already have his photograph up on the mantel and so I was willing to sacrifice one motif of their father's importance to Tess and Tim as one had already been featured in the same scene.
- The driving in scene 3 feels very static at the moment, primarily because we shot it with the van static but this is something that will change later on in the edit once Katie takes over. She has been experimenting with creating the impression of the van moving through the use of sound and lighting effects in the edit which will amend this issue.
- Simon felt that some of the performances did not match with the overall tone of the film, i.e. they were too animated and almost a caricature of certain character traits. These were largely down to how extra lines had been added in various places and so some inconsistencies arose, however we will try cutting some of these to ground the action into a more consistent tone. Personally, I liked these changes however I can see how they may come across as a little too silly compared to the original script.
- We obviously need to add a shot of the dog for the authenticity of scene 4. We were initially planning to work around this using sound and intellectual montage, however it would be simpler if we literally had a clip of a dog on the floor in front of the van - this is something we will be capturing later on down the line.
- The final point that Simon brought up was that the scenes currently feel too 'thought-out'. Scene 7, for example, when Tim and Luke arrive at the owl sanctuary, it does not feel like a very natural progression from the previous scene and so we may benefit from looking at how we transition between the scenes so that they flow together more naturally.
He also suggested some cuts we could potentially make to help with the pacing of the film:
- Cut the action of Tim and Luke entering the van after the slogan reveal.
- We don't really need to see them both entering the van and this would allow us to cut straight to Tim's frustration from seeing the cropped slogan. I feel this is would be a beneficial change to make to this scene.
- Cut to the credits straight after the "What does it taste like?" line.
- Again, we do not need to see them driving away and so this would just save time and would mean that we do not dwindle too long on the final punchline.
- Bring drugs reveal to owl academy scene.
- Simon argued that this would help to intertwine the scenes together more effectively, however after considering this change, I felt that this would not make much sense. I feel that if Tim is only looking around the cockpit after he has already been driving the van, suddenly looking in the glove compartment for the first time out of the blue would be strange. I like that we introduce the drugs early on so that they will not be on the audience's mind when they finally come into play. If we are introduced to the drugs in the same sequence as they are used, this feels too planned-out in my opinion.
Mel got to work on the next rough cuts, which predominantly involved fine-tuning the cuts and pacing, as well as taking on board Simon's advice.
Once again, I went through with the latest rough cut with Mel and suggested potential changes that could be made:
- Trim down the shots at the beginning of scene 1 to make the scene feel more frantic as Tim searches through the drawers and cupboards to find the tools.
- Various cuts to improve the pacing and make the action come in a bit quicker.
- Add some of the improv dialogue and pickup shot to bridge between the scenes.
We were coming closer to the fine cut at this point, so Mel made the changes I suggested and exported the final rough cut before Katie took over for the fine cut stage.
I was now happy for Mel to pass the edit over to Katie as most of the pacing and cuts were close enough to what I had envisioned as the final product. There were various things that needed to be addressed in the fine cut, in particular: sound correction, colour grading, graphics, and music, as well as any cuts Katie wanted to change.
No comments:
Post a Comment