After considering my different ideas for a plot, I had
decided to focus on the story of Nick, who is waiting to be picked up by his
alcoholic mother, when a gang of youths attack him, forcing a homeless man to
intervene, leading Nick to sympathise with his mother’s alcoholism. I began the process of writing the script by
laying out how I wanted the story to progress in an outline of the plot:
The story opens on a dark and quiet
road, outside a school. We see the road
is seemingly empty, with cars occasionally driving past, with the exception of
a teenage schoolboy, Nick, waiting for his mother to pick him up. We cut closer to Nick, he seems very anxious
and aware that he is alone as he is frequently checking his phone to see if his
mother has got back to him. We hear some
voices in the distance, which worries Nick even more. They are not friendly voices, but instead
that of a group of youths, shouting, swearing, and being a general nuisance.
Nick decides to try to phone his
mother again, no answer. We cut to a
brief shot of Nick’s mother at home, she is passed out with a bottle of wine,
and we see that her phone has 12 missed calls, all from Nick. Back on the street, Nick is frustrated – this
is not the first time this has happened, his mother has let him down again, and
he knows it’s her drinking to blame. The
voices get louder, and we catch a glimpse of the group in the distance. Nick is now becoming very anxious.
He begins to walk the other way and
turns a corner to an even darker alleyway, where he sees a mysterious and
uninvited figure, slouched over the floor, mumbling to himself. Nick pauses to consider his options: face the
group head on, pass the man on the floor, or carry on down the road.
At this point, it is clear the
group has noticed Nick, as they have started calling out to him. Nick freezes and begins to
hyperventilate. He has not prepared for
this; they clearly aren’t interested in a friendly chat. Nervously, Nick looks back at the group, then
back to the man on the floor, then down the road, but before he has a chance to
decide on his route, a small object hurls through the air behind Nick, going
straight for him. It strikes him on the
back of the head, it was a rock, and it hurt a lot. Nick clasps the back of his head, in shock,
and he falls to the ground. The world is
spinning for a moment, and some blurry figures come toward Nick. They are asking if he is okay, and they seem
to want to help, until a cold, wet, and muddy hand pushes into Nick’s
face. One of the youths rubs a pile of
mud into Nick’s face, and the concerning questions, turn into laughter and
taunts. Nick looks up, helpless, and
begins to cry.
At that moment, we see the figure
in the alleyway look up to notice what is going on. As the jibes continue, the man slowly gets up
to inspect the situation. The youths do
not see him as he walks into focus. The
man calls out to the group, which startles them, and they question the man,
threatening him. He has none of it: he
puts down his bottle, and reaches into his pocket revealing a knife. The youths exchange some nervous looks, then
hastily walk away.
Nick is left on the floor, tears in
his eyes, and mud on his face. The man
comes over to him, and offers him a hand.
The man is wearing dirty fingerless gloves, a ragged old beanie, and a
tattered old coat: life has been hard for him.
Nick looks up, and flinches as the man goes to help him up, and he is
raised back to his feet. Nick is taking
deep breaths to recover from the panic attack, which the man notices and offers
some words of comfort, and a cloth to wipe his face with, which the man lets
Nick keep – he puts it in his pocket.
Nick seems calmer, and then looks at the man.
The man seems to have nothing, he
is homeless, and he just saved Nick from being beaten up, so Nick feels he owes
him something. He goes to his wallet to
give him some money, but as he does so, he notices a pile of empty bottles next
to where the man was lying down which causes him to hesitate. Nick hates alcohol because of the effect it has
had on his mother since his father died.
Nick reluctantly asks him what he will spend it on, noticeably looking
at the bottles as he says it. The man
realises that Nick doesn’t want him to spend the money on drink, and he gets
angry with him, claiming that Nick is just like everyone else for not trusting
him with money. Nick feels anxious again
and backs away before the man tells him to go away. Nick begins to walk home, having offended the
man.
On the way home, Nick puts his hand
in his pocket and remembers the cloth the man gave him. He takes it out his pocket, and a small
photograph falls out with it. It shows
the man clean-shaven and healthy looking with a young woman, who appears to be
his wife or girlfriend. Nick looks at
the photo for a moment, it must mean a lot to the man. Nick ponders for a moment, and realises that
the man has lost this woman from his life in some way or another. Nick turns around and heads back toward the
alleyway the man was sleeping in.
As Nick gets back to the alley, he
hears the man crying faintly into a blanket.
Nick steps into the alley slowly, attracting the attention of the man,
who looks up to Nick. He quickly wipes
the tears from his eyes and disdainfully asks why he has returned, so Nick
pulls the photo from his pocket and hands it to him. The anger in the man’s face fades to sorrow
as he takes the photo back. He smiles
and thanks Nick. Nick explains that he
understands why the man drinks and offers him the money. The man reluctantly takes it, and thanks
Nick. They nod at one another, and Nick
leaves.
At Nick’s house, Nick quietly walks
through the living room, so not to disturb his mother. He pulls a blanket over her, and kisses her
goodnight. As he is about to fall asleep
on his bed, he looks to a photograph of a man, his father, beside his bed, and
says goodnight.
[Credits Scene] The next morning,
in a shop, the man is standing by the drinks section and is contemplating
buying a drink. He stops and takes the
photo from his pocket, looks at it, and pull a faint smile, before turning and
walking away.
END
This was just for me to use as a
guideline so I did not run into any dead ends whilst writing, and it helped a
great deal, as I was able to highlight where the most interesting moments come
out, and I could establish the pacing of the story. I wrote the plot outline subjectively, so I
could see what the characters were thinking and feeling, although this is
something I could not do in my actual screenplay; I had to be entirely
subjective. I did slip up a few times
when it came to the actual screenplay, however.
In my first draft, I was able to
capture the foundation for my screenplay, but there was still a lot of room for
improvement. I received some good
feedback from Steve Coombes which directed me in my improvements for the
script:
- He felt it was unclear whose story I was telling – was it Nick’s or Derek’s? And whichever it was, the main focus needed to be on them.
- He also said that the initial set-up was too long, and needed to be broken up into more scenes so that there was a greater sense of tension built up.
- Steve also suggested that Nick and Derek should come together again at the end to add to their understandings of their situations, and to explore the significance of what they have in common.
- He felt that the first two thirds of the script should be structured like the final part of the script, so that the flow is constant, and not disjointed as it initially was.
He showed me some potential
places where I could split up the script, as the first draft seemed mostly to
consist of one long scene surrounded by several small scenes. Therefore the main change I made in my
shooting script was to cut up the main scenes into smaller chunks, so that the
narrative flowed better and we did not spend too much time focused in one
place, or else it would drag out scenes for longer than necessary.
I made most of these changes in
the shooting script, which is what I used when filming the first two-minutes of
the film:
I added scene numbers, as Steve
also suggested, to allow for easier navigation through the script. I also
describe Derek’s appearance earlier on, as his first appearance in my first
draft introduced him as a ‘dark figure’, which was a little too mysterious for
practical use – we would see what he looked like as soon as we see him,
describing what he is wearing later on would not add anything to the detail in
the script.
Steve also suggested it would be
much more impactful if Derek smashed the bottle, rather than just held it out
at the youths. I had thought about this
before, but was hesitant to do this, as it would be difficult to achieve in a
practical sense, but I reconsidered and worked out how I could film this in a
much safer way.
I cut out a small amount of action
– Derek putting the bottle in his pocket and walking over to Nick – as it was
not entirely necessary, and could make room for more interesting dialogue.
I also removed Nick’s dialogue
where he asks Derek what he will spend the money on, as it could be expressed
through action better than through dialogue.
These were not all the changes I
had intended to make, but for shooting, this was sufficient to move along with.
I wrote the final iteration of
the script taking into consideration what I had read in Christopher Riley’s
book on screenwriting with regards to formatting directions and dialogue for
character names and action etc, as well as things that had come up during the
filming and editing process.
I opted to introduce Derek
earlier, and in a slightly different way: rather than introducing him through
Nick’ perspective, we see him asleep before the youths enter to give a visual
parallel between Nick’s mother, Angela, and Derek. This change came about when editing my film,
where it became clear that introducing him later diminishes the sense of
tension created as the youths attack Nick.
If we introduce Nick, then Angela, then Derek before the youths come
into play, this lays out the story nicely, so we are now considering how each
of these three characters will respond to the events that take place, rather
than introducing them with the action.
I also played on an idea that
Steve had about Nick and Derek coming together again at the end of the
screenplay: Nick prints out the picture he has as his phone wallpaper when he
gets home, and places it at his father’s grave the next day, and happens to
come across Derek at his fiancé’s grave as well, and they both fully appreciate
and understand their points of view. It
does seem a little too convenient for both Derek’s fiancé and Nick’s dad to be
buried at the same cemetery and for them both to see each other the next day,
but from a narrative perspective, it draws the two closer together, and gives a
sense of closure.
I don’t feel this story is just
about Nick, which I had intended for it to be initially, but as I looked more
into Derek’s character, I feel that it is about both of them, and coming to
terms with the loss of loved ones, and Nick coming to understand his mother’s
alcohol abuse. Derek is a microcosm of
Nick’s mother: completely broken by the loss of the person they cherish most,
but still capable of compassion and with a glimmer of hope that the old
personality is still there. Therefore
the film is able to compare and contrast how and why Nick and Derek react to
the situation; when Nick is attacked, Derek bravely steps in, but towards the
end as they find common ground, we see that Derek and Nick are more similar
than they initially realised, allowing both the audience and the characters to
empathise with one another.
The overarching plot has not
changed a great deal since the initial plot outline, but the manner of which I
have paced and structured my screenplay has developed to make it more engaging
and interesting for both the reader and the audience.
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